I Am

I’m brave on the outside,
Frightened inside,
Haunted by stubborn self-hatred
And pride.

Fiercely convinced
I am loved, people care;
Fiercely afraid,
That they’ll leave, unaware.

Sometimes I’m fine,
With this lifetime of mine.
Sometimes I’m longing
For my finish line.

I’m strong, independent,
Baffled and weak.
Firm, but I’ll crumble
At any critique.

“Do what you want,
It won’t affect me!”
Lies.

But that’s not
Who I want you to see.

The Friend Outside

I know you can't "snap out of it"
Some days, can't even fight.
I know you're trapped inside that pit,
Devoid of love or light.

I know you hate that spirit scar
That mars who you could be
Oh, how I wish that you could see
Who I can see you are.

Depression traps the soul within,
One cannot help oneself.
So let me love you, darling, when
You cannot love yourself.

And though it is outside I stand,
I hope I'm breaking through.
I want to say, I'm here for you.
Just reach . . . . . . . . . . . and take my hand.

The Saddest Words

The saddest words you'll hear me say
Are "Once upon a time . . ."
Once upon a time we laughed,
Were friends once, for a time.
And now this constant, empty chime,
Rings, "Once.  Upon.  A time."

And only one phrase sadder still,
Can form a deeper sigh.
The only thing to batter more
And haunt, an endless cry . . .
The thing that sours each good-bye . . .
Is always, simply,


“Why?”

Love Never Lost

"Love wins" you say.
I say "Love never lost."
PRIDE won.
And what will be the cost?

More jaunty cheers across the years?
More bullies?           Tears?
       More hatred?
                        Fears?
More angry peers with cutting jeers?

And whilst you stand victorious, tall,
Do not forget:
What always comes
Before a
             .
             .
             .
             .
              fall.

Big and Small

And once in a while when I hold her hand,
(or she holds mine)
and I understand . . .
how very BIG my small hands are,
how BIG my feelings
all abuzz.
Yes, BIGger far
than what I was before.
Am I shedding what I was?
Or am I becoming more?